Whether it be the “old school” leather variety, an ornate affair, a simple choker or a metal band, it is fair to say the collar is one of the most potent symbols of rl D/s; its symbolism is as powerful as that of the of the wedding ring in vanilla society.
Collars are also prevalent within the Second Life D/s and BDSM community; however, much of the symbolism inherent in rl collars is not so common within SL. Part of the reason for this rests in the fact that in earlier times (prior to RLV), collars were one of the few means of providing direct interaction between the Dominant and submissive. Through collar commands the Dominant could exert a degree of control over a submissive, forcing them to kneel or bow, hug submissively, be leashed, and so on in ways far more effective than asking the sub to do X or Y.
While other devices have perhaps overtaken the collar in allowing control to be directly exercised over a submissive, the SL collar still tends to lack its rl equivalent’s symbolism. Which is a shame because within the context of a D/s relationship (as opposed to causal play), maintaining some of the rl symbolism and power surrounding the giving and receiving of collars could increase a relationship’s depth and meaning; allowing those who are so minded to incoprorate some of the rl ceremony surrounding collaring into their time in Second Life. But how could this be done?
The three types of collar
Let’s start by looking at rl collars and their meaning. In all, three types of collar are recognised in rl D/s: the Collar of Consideration, the Training Collar and lastly, the Formal Collar. Each symbolises something unique in the relationship, as outlined below.
- Collar of Consideration: an “initial” collar given when a Dominant and submissive have spent time together and feel there is an opportunity for them to develop the relationship further (i.e. it is not given at the start of a relationship). It denotes the beginning of a deeper exploration of compatibility between the two; further, its presence acts as a clear indicator to other Dominants that this submissive is off-limits for the duration of the period of consideration. Honourable Dominants will accept this, and will not attempt to pursue the submissive.
- Training Collar: this indicates that the relationship is moving to a still deeper level of attachment and commitment, and both parties are considering a long-term relationship. This collar tends to be worn for a more extended period and can be analogous to an engagement ring in terms of the depth of feelings and meaning involved. The giving / acceptance of a Training Collar is usually accompanied by a change in tempo in the relationship: scening starts or becomes more focused, with an emphasis on mutual exploration and understanding of the submissive’s limits.
- The Formal Collar: symbolises the full commitment between Dominant and submissive, much like a wedding ring. It reflects the trust, respect and love they have for one another. While it is not vital, the giving / receiving of a Formal Collar is sometimes performed as a ceremony which again, some liken to a wedding ceremony, witnessed by close friends and scene members.
Each of these collars is deeply symbolic and holds its own power within rl D/s. They reflect the thoughts and hopes of both parties that have been expressed and fulfilled thus far in the relationship whilst also providing a focus for the continued growth of commitment and trust in the future.
Symbolism and Second Life
Given that most submissives and Switches (not to mention a lot of Dominants!) already have a collar, it’s actually quite easy to reproduce some of the symbolism and meaning associated with rl collars directly into an SL D/s relationship. For example, each of the three stages of collaring might be represented in a growing relationship thus:
- Collar of Consideration: the submissive adds the Dominant as a “secondary owner” to their collar – potentially removing anyone else in the process (depending on what has been agreed between the two), while retain primary ownership
- Training Collar: this can be symbolised through the deepening relationship by the submissive making the Dominant the primary owner of their collar, allowing the Dominant a measure of grater authority and demonstrating the growing bonding of trust between them both
- Formal Collar: this becomes the collar owned / purchased by the Dominant and presented to the submissive at the time when the two decide to enter into a fully committed relationship, possibly with a formal Collaring Ceremony attended by friends and family, where they openly proclaim their love / devotion to one another.
In this way a couple not only instil some of the rl mystique of collars into their SL relationship, they allow the relationship to develop more naturally; there is no longer a need to rush into an immediate collaring as the be-all and end-all. Also, this approach can enhance the relationship as it encourages both excitement at, and anticipation of, what is going to happen at each stage in the process, culminating with the awarding of the Formal Collar.
Obviously, it is not vital for a committed couple to take these steps; however, by adding a splash of rl symbolism and tradition to the collaring of one by another, we’re helping to elevate the collar above it just being another toy, and doing so in a way that is full of significance for those involved. Which really can’t be a bad thing, can it?
Inara Pey: Living in a Modemworld 